FYI: There is a giveaway at the end of this post :-) You can skip to the bottom portion of this post where you see Entering Is Easy!
Do you feel like you constantly are saying “no” to your children? Was that one of their first words? Around our house there is a lot of “No-no. Don’t touch that.” or “No O-wee. Please don’t put that in your mouth.” or “No Ryan. Cupcakes are not an appropriate breakfast food.”
After awhile I feel like they tune the word out. And it doesn’t seem to work anymore.
A few months ago I posted about Ryan’s temper tantrums resurfacing (Mommy Needs a Time Out) and while I knew what was prompting some of the behavior, I didn’t full understand the big picture. I did realize that some of it was coming from hearing the word “no” over and over again. He was testing the boundaries and his limits.
Ryan: “Mommy? Can I watch Word World before bed?”
Mommy: “No Ryan, not tonight.”
Ryan: “But mommy! I REEEEALLLLYYY want to! PLEEEEEEASE?”
Mommy: “No Ryan, it’s bedtime and mommy said no shows tonight. Ok?”
This is where Ryan would break down in a terrible fit of tears and an all out temper tantrum. I knew the tantrums were coming from me saying “no” and Ryan not getting his way. What I didn’t know was the impact the word “no” can have on a child who is learning and developing and building relationships.
To a child the word “no” can mean so much more than just simply “no.” I was slowly starting to figure this out and then while staying with my best friend in Minnesota (gosh I miss her!!) over the summer, she made a casual comment that really hit home. She said that instead of always saying “no” try to say yes instead.
What?! Wouldn’t that always mean giving in and not disciplining your child? Well, take the above conversation and how it could have gone with this different yes theory:
Ryan: “Mommy? Can I watch Word World before bed?”
Mommy: “Yes Ryan. You can watch a show tomorrow if you are a super good listener tonight and get ready for bed like a big boy.”
Ryan: “Yeah!!!! Come on O-wee! Let’s get ready for bed so we can watch a show tomorrow k?”
See? Simple isn’t it? Here is another example of how it can work:
Ryan: “Mommy? Can I have a cupcake?”
Mommy: “Yes Ryan. You can have a cupcake after lunch. We don’t eat cupcakes at 8am.”
Ryan: “Yeah!! I can’t wait!”
And these are not exaggerated conversations either. These are actual conversations we’ve had recently and it went much better than it did a few months ago. Now I’m not saying this is always going to work and it will always make sense to do this. All I am saying is to pay attention to what you say and the tone of voice you use when speaking to your children. You may not realize it, but to a 2, 3, 4 or 5 year old it makes all the difference in the world.
And then out of the blue a book was handed to me, Nobody Likes Me (written by Cynthia Dekel).
I read it and almost cried. It hit on the exact points I was working so hard on in regard to communication and discipline with my boys. The little girl in the story is so excited to show off her artwork, play with her baby sister and dance for her mommy, but over and over again she was dismissed and told no, not right now because it was time to clean up or mommy was doing the dishes.
These are simple and common conversations we all have on a daily basis, but we don’t realize the impact it can have on a little one. We don’t realize that our children take in our every single word (well, except when we want them to!!).
In the story after the little girl starts crying that nobody likes me, the mother realizes what brought this on and…..well….. I’m not giving away the entire story!! You’ll have to read the rest on your own.
And you have three options to do just that. You can either purchase a signed copy of the book directly from the website of Nobody Likes Me; you can purchase a copy of the book from Amazon or you can enter to win your very own copy FREE in this giveaway (thanks Cynthia!).
Entering is easy.
And you have several chances to win too! To enter, become a facebook fan of Nobody Likes Me (this is mandatory) and leave a comment that you did.
For additional entries:
- Subscribe to Typical Suburban Family blog or let me know that you already are a subscriber (subscribe links in the right sidebar)
- Vote for Typical Suburban Family on Top Mommy Blogs, Top Baby Blogs or On the Fence and post a comment that you did. Remember that you can vote once per day per computer (or smartphone) so if you vote for on each of those sites every day or on different computers, be sure to post one comment for each “vote”
- Grab either or both of my buttons (right sidebar) and place it/them on your blog or website and post the link to it/them in the comments showing me you did. Leave one comment per button that you display
- Blog, post on Facebook or tweet this giveaway with a link to this post and make sure your comments include a link to your status or blog post. One entry per method you use to spread the word! You can do this as often as you like over the next week. Just be sure to leave a comment with link each time you do!
Be sure to check out this mention in Atlanta Intown Magazine. Nobody Likes Me was included in the Too Cool For School: the latest trends for kids list. It’s under “Hers” in the Kindergarten-7 section here. And even though it’s listed under “hers” does not mean it is a book for girls only. My two boys love it!! We talk about the pages and relate it to Ryan and Owen and how sometimes those same things happen in our house, but that we still LOVE them with all of our hearts. They get huge smiles on their faces and giggle.
So go ahead and enter to win your very own copy! And while you’re visiting the Nobody Likes Me facebook fan page, let Cynthia know you came from the Typical Suburban Family blog (or just say that Jean sent you!). This giveaway will close at 11:59pm on Thursday, September 9. I will be announcing the winner via random.org on Friday, September 10. The winner will have 72 hours to respond.