What a Week. Seriously.

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I know I’ve been slacking on the updates lately. I looked back at my stats over the last few months and most months were 20+ updates, but September was only 8 and October so far is only 4. It’s not that I have wanted to update or haven’t thought about it, but man what a couple of weeks/month it has been.

First of all I have my big annual HR conference next week. This is the 5th year I’ve planned this 900+ person event and while I absolutely love the client I work for (SHRM-Atlanta), I am so ready for the conference to be over with. I need some breathing room right now.

In regard to my latest stress, it’s related to Owen. My super sweet and snuggly little man. The little guy who buries his face into your shoulder every chance he gets so he can “hug” you.

Well a few months ago we started noticing that his eye was turning in a bit so we mentioned it at his one year doctor appointment and she referred us to a pediatric eye doctor. We went to the first appointment back in September and it was fairly uneventful. They said he has great vision and his eyes are strong and healthy; however, the eye musclea are weak. They said that he doesn’t really fit any category at this time and they weren’t sure the best method to treat this condition of his.

We were told to patch alternating eyes for an hour each day and we would re-evaluate in a month. So that was our month of September and into October. We patched like we were told (most days anyway!) and luckily Owen was a good sport about it. He didn’t mind the patch at all and in fact I think he liked it because it made his eyes feel better when he was wearing it. Let me back up a bit and say that his eye doesn’t turn in all the time; just some times and mainly it happens in the evening when he’s tired.

So with all that being said, we had his follow up eye appointment a week ago. It was supposed to be quick and we were going to be in and out in no time (first appointment was 2+ hours). So I went alone with Owen and told Jim he didn’t need to come for this quick follow up.

At the appointment it took forever. Then when we were finally seen by the doctor (a different one from the 1st time) he decided to re-dilate his eyes and have another look. So our quick follow up was now going on 1.5 hours and we had to sit and wait for 20 minutes for his eyes to dilate.

So there we were over lunch with no food, no nap and nothing to do. Owen was a good sport about it all, but I can’t say the same for mommy. I was getting nervous and tired and had a ton of stuff to be doing to prep for the upcoming conference.

After what seemed like forever, we were called back and the doctor checked his eyes out again. He determined that Owen’s condition couldn’t be resolved with glasses and that eye muscle surgery was the only and best option.

I managed to not freak out and handled it all very well. I see Owen every day and I know how often it happens and the severity of it; I can see it. And I think I handled the news well. The doctor and nurse were great. They were very informative and very caring. It really made me feel better since I was there alone with a now screaming 1 year old.

When I started to lose it was when the doctor said they were going to schedule an MRI because they needed to rule out anything going on with his brain which could have caused this (aka brain tumor). Ok, I have to admit my mind was gone at this point. As soon as those words came out of the doctor’s mouth, I’m not sure I heard much after that. I was now fixed on MRI, brain and wrong. Those are three words that no parent wants to hear. Ever.

I left the office 3+ hours later and burst into tears. I had a (heavy) sleeping boy in my arms and I was balling my eyes out trying to get to the car which seemed like a million miles away.

At this point, I’m not even thinking about the surgery portion of this ordeal. I need to get through the MRI which is scheduled for next Thursday, October 22 in the AM. That is my focus at this point and nothing more. We are still patching his alternating eyes and we have another follow up in November to determine next steps. They cannot do the surgery until his eyes stabilize which they have not yet. They got worse from appointment one to appointment two so they need to stabilize the condition first prior to even scheduling the operation. Again, not my focus.

I need to get through the MRI and know there is nothing going on with Owen’s brain. I will deal with his eyes and surgery and all of that after we get through this.

I appreciate everyone who has been concerned and shown their support and care. I know how lucky and blessed we are to have such great family and friends. I don’t take that for granted.

So keep Owen in your thoughts and prayers over the next week while we wait for his MRI. Doubtful I will post an update prior to the results of that since I have the conference starting on Saturday and going through Tuesday of next week. I will update as soon as we have the results though. I am confident everything will be just fine; however, that certainly does not stop a mommy and daddy from worrying, stressing and not sleeping.

The main reason I haven’t updated the blog is because I’m trying to avoid the computer. As my friend Tara H. advised me, don’t “Google” all of the various medical terms, surgery, eye conditions, etc. It will only tell me all the horror stories of everything that could go wrong with any of this. I know there are risks as with any surgery and any condition. And we won’t make a final decision on anything until we have all the facts given by a doctor. I don’t want to hear the bad things right now, I really, really do not. I have enough stress and I’m trying to stay positive about it all. I know everything will be just fine. But I can guarantee that Google would tell me all the horror stories which would freak me out and stress me out more. Not necessary. Really not necessary.

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