Remembering…

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It was 19 years ago today that I lost my dad to cancer. It’s a day that I think about often. People always say that time heals all wounds, but I think heal is a bit of a stretch. There are certain things that can never be healed. And this is one of them.

For some reason, I kept thinking it was the 27th today and kept thinking about how I was dreading tomorrow and having my dad and his cancer battle on my mind all day. Then I talked to my mom at about 5:30pm and realized that today was actually the 28th. Blame it on being a weekend; blame it on me being on vacation; blame it on whatever you want, but I was glad that the majority of the day had come and gone without that extra heavy feeling in my heart.

I remember when I was about 6 years old, I was going to the store with my dad. At the end of the alley there was a huge puddle (I mean huge!) and my mom would always drive extra slow through the puddles so it wouldn’t splash the car. But my dad went through extra fast and the water splashed all over the side of the car! I laughed histerically and he said, “don’t tell mom I did that.” And actually I don’t think I ever did till right now 😉

I also remember how much my dad used to love to fish. He went almost every day and we ate fresh fish several times a week. It was awesome! My dad used to use salmon eggs as bait and would sit in his woodwork shop in the basement and spend hours tying the eggs in nets very delicately and placing them in baby jars for later use. This is all probably more information than you want to read about on a normally kid-orientated blog, but there is a point to the story! I used to hang out with my dad in the basement alot and I know I asked a million questions all the time (like Ryan does to us now!). One night I was commenting on how particularly gross I thought these salmon eggs were and my dad just looked at me and said “honey, one day you will pay alot of money to eat raw fish eggs.” and all I could think was GROSS!! There is no way you could pay ME to eat anything that disgusting. But boy was my dad right. I absolutely love sushi and there isn’t a time that goes by while I’m eating it (and then paying ALOT of money for it) that I don’t think about that conversation with my dad.

Another memory that I’ve mentioned in a previous post is how I used to lay in bed and sing my dad to sleep. And now Ryan does the same for me. Every night that he does it, it brings tears to my eyes. Read more here.

I also remember mentioning that I would like a rocking chair for my dolls and sure enough, I came home from school the next day and my dad had build a custom made doll-sized rocking chair. I absolutely loved that rocking chair. My dad also built me a waterbed (yes, I had a waterbed!!); he built wishing wells of all sizes from tiny ones up to the one we had in our front yard which actually had running water going through it. He built lawn ornaments in whatever shape I’d ask for (smurfs, chipmunks, etc). My dad was an amazing wood worker that I took for granted back then. Now, I realize how talented he truly was and am very lucky that Jim loves to do these things as well and is also very talented.

I remember my dad waking up really early every morning and would be sitting in the kitchen having a cup of coffee (or probably his third already!) when I would could bouncing in to say good morning.

I remember every night waiting for him to come home from work to see if he had brought me anything in his lunchbox. Yes, he had a lunchbox and would buy something from the vending machine now and again and bring it home to me in his lunchbox. My favorite was when he’d bring me those shoestring potatoes.

My dad lived for one year after being diagnosed with cancer. That is a year I don’t think back to often as there are not many happy memories from that year. When you watch someone so strong and brave go through something that takes the life right out of them, it’s not something you want to remember.

These are only a few of the many, many, many great memories I have of my dad. And NO, time doesn’t heal all wounds. It may make things a little easier as time goes on, but this isn’t something that will ever be healed and he most certainly will never be forgotten about.

And not that anyone has been counting, but this is my 100th blog post. I can’t think of anyone more special to remember and talk about on such a milestone post as my dad. I love you.

PS – I don’t have any photos of my dad on this computer, but I am going to dig some up, scan them in and post them soon.

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